realistic idealism: life from where I stand

Sunday, October 29, 2006

ranting!!!!

gaaaaaaa
gurlkeeeeee
mao!
sigh

complications:
-- new manager at work--> I really need to transfer stores again... like desperately... meaning I have to call the dm... who is like really suzie? hmmmm well lets talk about this and I'll try my very best to talk you out of it b/c I really don't want my life to be more difficult that you very much! to which I would love to reply in many differnt ways... none of which invovle the pc one I diplomatically Must use! this job has given me more preparation for negotiation that a GWU degree ever could...


Not really sure if I meant this blog to be anything more than a complaint fest...
sigh... and I really have to study... hmmmm studying? like for school??? Like the reason I'm here??? gaaa oh yes... so ok that's the other thing that makes me want to spit!! What if work is equally important as school right now for the reason that I choose to take on added responsibility and that's not something I can turn my back on?! People act like I can just drop work but I can't... I've set myself up to have to balance this semster... and that's what I'm doing... it doesn't make me any less of a student...

Sunday, October 08, 2006

exhaustion

yep... that about sums it up.
My life feels like a very vivid yet surreal dream... everything is moving fast yet slow... I'm silently screaming as the merry-go-round spins, taking me everywhere and nowhere... my day begins with coffee and lexapro, enter dash to metro and classes/ work then to classes/therapy/studying/ more classes, interspersed with texts from my love. If I'm lucky, my day ends with a wonderfully long conversation with alec... or at least a brief goodnight during a break at work... I live here yet my love is 3,000 miles away... I am a retail supervisor yet also a dedicated student... I dream of changing the world yet I can barely change myself (infact in many ways I can't change myself... I must learn to cope instead)

doubting masked by self-assured pride
fear covered by anger/hostility

when really so often I want to simply curl up in a ball in the furthest corner of my bed and sleep until it is october 19th...

exhaustion amidst exhileration ...

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

attempting to see my computer through the haze of coffee cups and cereal bowls is quite a feat... should I do my dishes?

so:
Imagine me and you, I do
I think about you day and night, it's only right
To think about the girl/boy you love and hold her/him tight
So happy together

If I should call you up, invest a dime
And you say you belong to me and ease my mind
Imagine how the world could be, so very fine
So happy together

I can't see me lovin' nobody but you
For all my life
When you're with me, baby the skies'll be blue
For all my life

Me and you and you and me
No matter how they toss the dice, it has to be
The only one for me is you, and you for me
So happy together

I can't see me lovin' nobody but you
For all my life
When you're with me, baby the skies'll be blue
For all my life

Me and you and you and me
No matter how they toss the dice, it has to be
The only one for me is you, and you for me
So happy together

Ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba
Ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba

Me and you and you and me
No matter how they toss the dice, it has to be
The only one for me is you, and you for me
So happy together

So happy together
How is the weather
So happy together
We're happy together
So happy together
Happy together
So happy together
So happy together (ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba)
_______________________________________________________
17 days until London.
god I can't wait.
it's been 5 weeks... 5 freaking weeks...
that's just nuts!
I'll bet the turtles we're imagining these circumstances yet the applicability of their lyrics remain!!! muahahahahah!
and dude they're called the turtles! that's like awesome!



mao!
anyways so yes I need to skadaddle to work... meeeh! but it's ok insteresting things are might be going on in light of that actually... I should find out more today but I'm freakin' excited :-D

so tired though... finished a paper yesterday... another paper due thursday at 3:40 (yes no later! my prof's strange)
another paper due a week from thursday...
french midterm at some point who knows?
and really should start law school apps...
dum dum dum duuuuuuuuuuuuum

*puts turtles song on repeat and decides to make this morning all about turtles...*
oooo and yertle!
On the far-away island of Sala-ma-Sond,
Yertle the Turtle was king of the pond.
A nice little pond. It was clean. It was neat.
The water was warm. There was plenty to eat.
The turtles had everything turtles might need.
And they were all happy. Quite happy indeed.

They were... untill Yertle, the king of them all,
Decided the kingdom he ruled was too small.
"I'm ruler", said Yertle, "of all that I see.
But I don't see enough. That's the trouble with me.
With this stone for a throne, I look down on my pond
But I cannot look down on the places beyond.
This throne that I sit on is too, too low down.
It ought to be higher!" he said with a frown.
"If I could sit high, how much greater I'd be!
What a king! I'd be ruler of all that I see!"

So Yertle, the Turtle King, lifted his hand
And Yertle, the Turtle King, gave a command.
He ordered nine turtles to swim to his stone
And, using these turtles, he built a new throne.
He made each turtle stand on another one's back
And he piled them all up in a nine-turtle stack.
And then Yertle climbed up. He sat down on the pile.
What a wonderful view! He could see 'most a mile!
"All mine!" Yertle cried. "Oh, the things I now rule!
I'm the king of a cow! And I'm the king of a mule!
I'm the king of a house! And, what's more, beyond that
I'm the king of a blueberry bush and a cat!
I'm Yertle the Turtle! Oh, marvelous me!
For I am the ruler of all that I see!"

And all through the morning, he sat up there high
Saying over and over, "A great king am I!"
Until 'long about noon. Then he heard a faint sigh.
"What's that?" snapped the king
And he looked down the stack.
And he saw, at the bottom, a turtle named Mack.
Just a part of his throne. And this plain little turtle
Looked up and he said, "Beg your pardon, King Yertle.
I've pains in my back and my shoulders and knees.
How long must we stand here, Your Majesty, please?"
"SILENCE!" the King of the Turtles barked back.
"I'm king, and you're only a turtle named Mack."
"You stay in your place while I sit here and rule.
I'm the king of a cow! And I'm the king of a mule!
I'm the king of a house! And a bush! And a cat!
But that isn't all. I'll do better than that!

My throne shall be higher!" his royal voice thundered,
"So pile up more turtles! I want 'bout two hundred!"
"Turtles! More turtles!" he bellowed and brayed.
And the turtles 'way down in the pond were afraid.
They trembled. They shook. But they came. They obeyed.
From all over the pond, they came swimming by dozens.
Whole families of turtles, with uncles and cousins.
And all of them stepped on the head of poor Mack.
One after another, they climbed up the stack.
Then Yertle the Turtle was perched up so high,
He could see fourty miles from his throne in the sky!
"Hooray!" shouted Yertle. "I'm the king of the trees!
I'm king of the birds! And I'm king of the bees!
I'm king of the butterflies! King of the air!
Ah, me! What a throne! What a wonderful chair!
I'm Yertle the Turtle! Oh, marvelous me!
For I am the ruler of all that I see!"

Then again, from below, in the great heavy stack,
Came a groan from that plain little turtle named Mack.
"Your Majesty, please... I don't like to complain,
But down here below, we are feeling great pain.
I know, up on top you are seeing great sights,
But down here at the bottom we, too, should have rights.
We turtles can't stand it. Our shells will all crack!
Besides, we need food. We are starving!" groaned Mack.

"You hush up your mouth!" howled the mighty King Yertle.
"You've no right to talk to the world's highest turtle.
I rule from the clouds! Over land! Over sea!
There's nothing, no, NOTHING, that's higher than me!"

But, while he was shouting, he saw with suprise
That the moon of the evening was starting to rise
Up over his head in the darkening skies.
"What's THAT?" snorted Yertle. "Say, what IS that thing
That dares to be higher than Yertle the King?
I shall not allow it! I'll go higher still!
I'll build my throne higher! I can and I will!
I'll call some more turtles. I'll stack 'em to heaven!
I need 'bout five thousand, six hundred and seven!"

But, as Yertle, the Turtle King, lifted his hand
And started to order and give the command,
That plain little turtle below in the stack,
That plain little turtle whose name was just Mack,
Decided he'd taken enough. And he had.
And that plain little lad got a bit mad.
And that plain little Mack did a plain little thing.
He burped!
And his burp shook the throne of the king!

And Yertle the Turtle, the king of the trees,
The king of the air and the birds and the bees,
The king of a house and a cow and a mule...
Well, that was the end of the Turtle King's rule!
For Yertle, the King of all Sala-ma-Sond,
Fell off his high throne and fell Plunk! in the pond!

And tosay the great Yertle, that Marvelous he,
Is King of the Mud. That is all he can see.
And the turtles, of course... all the turtles are free
As turtles and, maybe, all creatures should be.


mao