happy 5th of July minus 8 or so minutes

Soooo... I have officially survived the 4th of July in DC... not an easy thing to do what with bewildered yet euphoric tourists going "hey whoa it's like a city and shit" and angry cops working overtime and yeah a random thunder and lightening storm and huge rain drops and THE HEAT...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
I'm so not a fan of this holiday... the view from my window all day was the behinds of the various cohabitants of my apartment building as they laughed and drank by the pool... I guess in that sense the rain was very much a relief...
So now I'm sitting here in my apartment ranting with Alec about life in general and pigging out on lime flavored tortilla chips happy 4th of July right?
Can't believe it's been a year sense prague... I distinctly remember the 4th because there was an accordianist going around playing Americana music such as the Battle hymn of the republic and yes I kid you not-- o susanna :-p both very fitting somehow...

*groansandtriestoavoidwatch*

Can't find my apt ID required to work out so despite wonderfulness of waking up 2 1/2 hours before needing to be at work I can't work out.
Decided to drown sorrows in bowl of rice crispies and raisins... finished off the raisins oh well.
Today is the first real day at my new B. Dalton and all I can think of is my old job in Union Station. It's maddening to think of how close that all is I mean I went there on Sat for my last day and now here it is, Monday, and I'm the "newbie" at another store while all my former co-workers head back into work.
annoying annoying annoying!!!
Feeling rather pointless... and tired and wishing my stomach wouldn't feel so large... regardless of how beautiful my boyfriend might say it is I still feel all too large and that makes me upset and depressed and then I get upset at feeling that way and yes.
So many changes and I'm really not doing ok with it all... I just want to hide under a bed somewhere and sleep and read and ignore life for awhile.
More than anything else though, I want to just stop. I was thinking of going home but then I realized that that would be anything but stopping... which actually might be fun... I don't know... goodness gracious I just don't know. Damn depression I HATE YOU!!! I feel listless and hopeless and stuck. like I can't do anything...