glomp!

gaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
can't focus!!!
so much to do!
so want to just lie on the ground and stay there forever thinking deep thoughts and staring at the sky... thinking of maybe dropping kickboxing... it's just too much and i could really use being able to only focus on studying all day on tuesdays... I'll just go to the gym every day... I basically did that last semester and it worked ok... just can't get addicted to pumpkin soup again ;-) ...
but yeah...
somehow deciding that makes me feel a tad better but still...gaaaaaaaaaa! i have a paper due on wed... a paper!!! gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!
and i work tomorrow night... for which i'm quite greatful but still... i could kinda use that night but not if i don't do kickboxing... yeah you know i think i just don't need that this semester... regardless of the fact that I'm dreading the bathing suitness.... sigh... I avoided one all of last summer. perhaps this summer I'll be able to do the same ;-)

tiiiired.
and one more class... in 20 min...
then studying...
studying...
and more studying...

at starbucks avoiding both my russian politics reading and the way too nice/hyper guy for Washington DC at 7ish sunday morning...

So0o0o0o0o0o0o0o...
I can officially report that DC life is now back in full swing for me and I really don't want to ever (or at least for the next year and a half) leave it for an extended period of time again. Seriously. I live here.
That's a really nice thing to say.
But yes so classes are AMAZINGLY AWESOMENESS!!! :-D esp my grad level eastern european hist course-- it's so on another intellectual plane all together and what's so exciting is the fact that I totally am great with that. I really really enjoy it!!! Of course the reading for it is rather isnane-- 150-200 pages A WEEK!!! keepign in mind of course that I have at least a combined 100 other pages of reading for the rest of my classes each week... anyways so yes ;-) this semester is going to kick my butt if I don't stay on track. But NYU law is beckoning so I think I'll have enough incentive to go all out.
I finally was able to get a shift at work on friday-- they hired too much holiday help and since I wasn't there during the holidays I'm back at the bottom of the tottem pole. But yes i think that's one reason today I feel so "here"-- work was the last missingpeace to my DC life-- last week it felt so wierd to simply stay on campus friday afternoon... I had forgotten how much working that day helped me to de-stress from the week. So yes quite quite nice.
and keeping with that... a customer on friday made me do a double take-- he was around 50, rather slow-- obviously not very well-off... but he wanted to a book on phonics... He was trying to teach himself out to read. I showed him the education section but then as he sounded out c...a...t... I quickly realized that what he really needed would not be found in a bookstore... he needed a teacher. He wanted to learn how to read. So we stood there... and I helped him sound out a few basic words... told him to ask at a church for information about an adult reading program... he thanked me and left... and I stood there and thought. I've heard the occasional public service announcement about adult illiteracy... but I don't know. something about the look in his eyes and the fact that I see customers and people like him daily in DC. I'm ashamed to say that it never occured to me that they wouldn't be able to do something as critical as read. I am so embarrased to say that... I'm overwhelmed with my amazing good luck... opportunities, etc. to be where I am, learning, dreaming, with a future. I can barely stand to think about that man's lack of reading!!! READING!!!! that limits one so much...
anyways ... yipes!
sigh...
a reminder of the great inequality in the world.
I really think I might try to teach in another country during summer before law school... or maybe even teach in a US inner city actually now that I think about it... I mean to be honest the need is right outside the door of my dorm... as I walk to the gym in the morning I see "them".
Of course the desire to learn and change must be there but I have to believe that there are more people like that man. In fact I know there are. What a simple thing to help people... teach them to read. It's a reversible inequality. One that can be used by them to change their situation... because it would give them self-confidence... it woudln't be a free handout...
anyways just some thoughts.

Today is the day :)

sooooo... 8 hours from now my plane will be taking off :-D i find myself quite excited to be getting back into the daily routine of DCness... It's nice... more and more I'm realizing that that's my home... I have successfully begun to carve out a life for myself there... and that's an invaluable thing. This next semester is definatley going to be insane... between work, studying (esp taking on a grad course), and a relationship of a rather potentially serious nature i think I'm just not going to sleep. How does that sound? ;-) Seriously though it's a really great feeling to be sitting here in my room in california, surrounded by my three favorite things-- my dogs :) but know that while my life in DC is not the same-- it's MY life. That's the cool thing. That's what I'm excited to get back to. This break, esp this past week, has not been without "ouches"-- coming home always reveals parts of the dichotomy which I try so hard to avoid... yet I think I handled it rather well-- better at least than I have in the past-- and I do see an end in sight... so the pain is there with the purpose of personal growth/ healing-- in many ways THAT in and of itself makes a huge ginormous difference. sooooo we shall see... toodles California... it's been great but the east beckons...

howdydoooody

Soooo yipes!
I'll be home a week from today... wooooow!

So what's happened the past 3 weeks?
- Christmas Eve suprised Sarah, JM, and the Aunt/uncleness by popping up to Irvine ;-)
- Christmas Day hung out at home
- Boxing Day woke up with influenza... yep *insert sad soundaffects here*
- New Year's Eve I finally met up with Drea, Kevin, and Joe for Lunch and then crazy Drea-Suzie shopping trip up to Camarillo-- BOOTS!!! teehee -- I found my gorgeous bootsboots *happydance*... that night stayed up till 1ish talking to :)
- New Year's day= shopping with the motherness then movie with Drea and Joe
- Jan3rd= Disneyland Day!!! total insanity with Joe, Kev, and Drea-- Joe suggested that we should all get matching tattoos ;-) seriously I was thinking about it and we have a pretty unique group dynamic between the four of us... somehow it just works-- kinda sad too though b/c there probably won't be too many more times where all four of us are together... but somehow I think we'll manage the occasional disney reunion :-p
- Jan 4th saw Producers at night with Drea and Kevin
- next day woke up with *crazy suspenseful music* athsmatic bronchitis!!! woohoo!
- friday evening i felt up to it enough to grab coffee and in and out with Drea-- spent the evening talking :-D
- Yesterday :( last day with the whole group-- breakfast at IHOP then we all went our separate ways once more... hometown friendships are rather interesting b/c it's like you're in your home environment and not much has changed but then so much has changed-- it's a rather vertigoish feeling... But it's starting to feel "right" -- mainly I think because DC is beginning to feel much more like my home and Cali has become me visiting my parents-- that's a good distinction I think. Oh almost forgot-- after breakfast I drove down to see my cousins :) was a good distraction

so. That's been my break thus far. Overall it's been ok... I have realized, however, that I really can't come back for an extended period of time like this again-- I need my own place or something in DC... I'll figure it out.

Sigh-- sooooo... this next week--> going to try and finish as many books for my Eastern European class as possible and not freak out about the future.

Have decided that my main goal this next semester is going to be making sure my GPA is high enough to get into NYU law. This means putting off my international econ class AGAIN :-p because honestly that will screw me over-- the math gets me everytime. So I'm going to try and pick up one of the history or maybe even the geography class I need...4.0 needs to happen this semester :-p Also thinking of staying in DC for my last 3 semester rather than hopping off to Switzerland.... We'll see. But I think I like how things are going in DC academic-wise and I think I might have a good chance at a good internship... and that also would help out my GPA-- I mean I already only have 3 years counting instead of 4... so do I really want to take that down to only 2 1/2 couting???

Bleeeeeeeeeeh. So much to think about. Not even going to speculate on the nature of my social life...

Why does life always seem so overwhelming???
AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!

ok... really need to hit the gymness...