too much suuuugar!

so why does cooking= my ocd eatingness taking over? happens every freaking year!!! GROWL! sigh... just need to hand out everyone's gifts then i'll be safe. no more eating. back to normal. ok so aside from that rather patheticness... things are good... i mean im missing people a ton ton ton from "Home" or dc-home or home2... or... i don't know. where the hell is my home! GROWL2! But sigh... anyways so cali-home/ home1 are nice-- going over to my cousins place tomorrow for Christmas eve-- whoa! familiy togetherness *gasp* But i find myself wanting to just hibernate in my room... or better yet my kitchen where I am right now... it's so full of light and happy memories... sitting here looking out at the darkness in the predawn doing my chem/ bio/ ap lit homework. happy thoughts. bottom line: home is a mixed up feeling... but I'm not running away! :-D

24 hours to go....

OK soooooo:
in the past 24 hours I've:
- failed a french final (no seriously it was bad)
- had a suprsingly wonderful night for it being the night before today (and today=hellish finals day)
- fallen asleep while typing only to jerk awake and find random words associated not with the international law notes i was typing but rather the few snippets of dream i had just expereinced... scary isn't it?
- thought about just running away to romania and getting a practical degree in international affairs (seriously who needs International political econ when you're expereincing the adverse affects of globalization first hand???)

in the next 24 hours I will:
- take a final on european diplomatic history which i will ace amazingly so b/c I am a histo-pier slayer (that and i've perfected the art of historical BS)
- make my international law study group question their own sanity on wanting to be seen in the same room as this insane idiot laughing and babbling insessantly about the UN and their "Sanctions of Shame" while gulping down copious cups of coffee (and squeeling over alliterative usages)...
- I will take my international law final and NOT give my professor a disclaimer at the end.
- then... yes... then... i shall stay up all night to write my paper on Yugoslavia due at 10am tomorrow morning.
- THEN... i shall... "be"

coffee... cooooooffffeeeee

SO! if the other shoe is out there then it's just hanging there ... and unfortunately, don't think it will be able to complete its original missionl... so it's a purposeless hanging shoe :-p that works i suppose, at least i'm not wacked. (what a pleasant thought-- good one) but yes so finals seriously ... WHO friggin' needs them :-p def not I. Yet this finals period is ever so different. I have yet to have a nervous breakdown...*gasp* which is wonderful yet in my uniquely neurotic way i feel like I have ceased to be a good student. Having fun does not seem to coincide with studying-- nothing's going according to plan damn it! I was supposed to remain unattached until law school! and even if that didn't work-- falling head over heels right before finals week? giiilrlllll... (as my coworkers would say) you're insane. But I'm happy... oh oh oh so happy. Happy that when i come back to DC... there will be someone waiting for me at the airport *tingly feeling*; happy that my company is enjoyed... both Ffaces, highly incongruous and extrememly improbable, yet so is the object of this, my affection. So this post obviously is slightly more idealistic (and flutter-ey) than realistic ;-) but you two mice people who read this blog shall just have to deal. Love to you all and to the cali mice people... less than 5 days from right now i'll be on a plane :)/ :( --> yeah that's perhaps the closest thing ressembling the other shoe :-p

and the other shoe hovers about to drop...

like a guillotine... waiting... as soon as i take the risk then... SMASH. all will come crashing down. and once again I will be left alone. holding the pieces of my life, smithereens all around me, colorful blood of idealism splattered on the cold cobbledstoned reality of grey...with only myself to blame... help.

"love heals" -- cast of rent
MAUREEN
Like a breath of midnight air
Like a lighthouse
Like a prayer
ANGEL
Like the flicker and the flare the sky reveals
ANGEL/MAUREEN
Like a walk along the shore
That you’ve walked a thousand times before
Like the oceans roar
Love heals
JOANNE
There are those who shield their hearts
Those who quit before they start
ROGER
Who’ve frozen up the part of them that feels
JOANNE/ROGER
In the dark they’ve lost their sight
Like a ship without a star in the night
But hold on tight
Love heals
Love heals
Love heals
Love heals
MAUREEN/BENNY
Love heals when pain’s too much to bear
When you reach out your hand
And only the wind is there
MIMI/MARK
When life’s unfair
When things like us are not to be
MAUREEN/BENNY
Love heals when you feel so small
Like a grain of sand
Like nothing at all
JOANNE/COLLINS
When you look out at sea
That’s where love will be
That’s where you’ll find me
You’ll find me

JOANNE
So if you fear the storm ahead
MAUREEN
As you lie awake in bed
MAUREEN/JOANNE
And there’s no one, no one to stroke your head
And your mind reels, your mind
Your mind reels.
MIMI
If your face is salty wet
If you’re drowning in regret
Just don’t forget
Don’t forget
Don’t forget
Don’t forget
Don’t forget
It’s all right
Love heals
Love heals
Love heals
Love heals
Love heals

functioning on like 3 hrs of sleep

finally saw harry potter last night with Alec!!!!! :) 'twas rawther good!! although i have to say that movie wise i like the third one the best (no no! don't throw things at me) :-p
last night was insane... probably not what i should have been doing during finals crunch time yet then again maybe it was exactly what i needed.
all i know is that it is very difficult for two people to sleep vertically on our dorm couch.
so i guess after this revelationary through i can leave college now right? :-p

can't wait to come home...yet at the same time i can... life loves me so much :-p i've been here for hmmm oh yes like almost 4 months and then this last week everything has to get exciting... sigh...

ok i need to get back to my paper which is due at hmmmm *insane laugh* oh yes 5pm today!