ranting!!!!

gaaaaaaa
gurlkeeeeee
mao!
sigh

complications:
-- new manager at work--> I really need to transfer stores again... like desperately... meaning I have to call the dm... who is like really suzie? hmmmm well lets talk about this and I'll try my very best to talk you out of it b/c I really don't want my life to be more difficult that you very much! to which I would love to reply in many differnt ways... none of which invovle the pc one I diplomatically Must use! this job has given me more preparation for negotiation that a GWU degree ever could...


Not really sure if I meant this blog to be anything more than a complaint fest...
sigh... and I really have to study... hmmmm studying? like for school??? Like the reason I'm here??? gaaa oh yes... so ok that's the other thing that makes me want to spit!! What if work is equally important as school right now for the reason that I choose to take on added responsibility and that's not something I can turn my back on?! People act like I can just drop work but I can't... I've set myself up to have to balance this semster... and that's what I'm doing... it doesn't make me any less of a student...

exhaustion

yep... that about sums it up.
My life feels like a very vivid yet surreal dream... everything is moving fast yet slow... I'm silently screaming as the merry-go-round spins, taking me everywhere and nowhere... my day begins with coffee and lexapro, enter dash to metro and classes/ work then to classes/therapy/studying/ more classes, interspersed with texts from my love. If I'm lucky, my day ends with a wonderfully long conversation with alec... or at least a brief goodnight during a break at work... I live here yet my love is 3,000 miles away... I am a retail supervisor yet also a dedicated student... I dream of changing the world yet I can barely change myself (infact in many ways I can't change myself... I must learn to cope instead)

doubting masked by self-assured pride
fear covered by anger/hostility

when really so often I want to simply curl up in a ball in the furthest corner of my bed and sleep until it is october 19th...

exhaustion amidst exhileration ...